Everybody can have it

04/19/2019

Photo via Shutterstock

I have fantastic news, no, they haven’t found life on Mars nor the secret of eternal youth, but what I am about to share with you it is much more exciting than that!: new research found out the key to long-lasting relationships!

According to this new study, there is one character trait that is even more important than commitment and passion when it comes to a lasting relationship; and that is humility.

What is humility?

The Oxford Dictionary defines humility as “the quality of having a modest or low view of one’s importance”, which should not be mistaken with low self-esteem or low confidence. Maybe I prefer the definition of the American philosophy professor Jason Baehr: “ to be humble is to be attentive to and disposed to own one’s limitations, weaknesses and mistakes. A humble person does not ignore, avoid or try to deny her limits or deficiencies.” This means that a humble person does not have the arrogant belief of being perfect; she is aware that she has limitations and needs to improve in this or that area. She also sees the value of her own strengths and skills to achieve this honest self-assessment and strive to improve.

Why is humility vital to a successful relationship?

Arrogant partners cannot admit their mistakes and personal shortcomings, they also usually think they are too good for the other. This feeling of self-importance makes that, when encountering any difficulty in the couple’s relationship, arrogant spouses will feel as they aren't being treated as well as they deserve, so they leave.

Humility and forgiveness

New fascinating research made in the USA with 284 couples showed that humble people are more likely to be involved in a romantic relationship because they don't think they are too good for the others. Also, unpresuming people are more likely to be forgiven by their partners when they do something hurtful, whereas arrogant partners have more chances not to be forgiven in that same situation.

Why is forgiveness vital to a successful relationship?

We are humans; we all make mistakes; it is inevitable. In any relationship, we will, at some point, mess things up. We may say something we shouldn’t,  just because we are nervous or tired, we may say or do hurtful things without even realising it, and we will want our partners to forgive us because we love them and didn’t mean to act the way we did. So it is crucial to be able to forgive and to be forgiven if we want to have a happy and long-lasting relationship. And as said before, a humble person is more likely to admit her own mistakes, to say she's sorry and to try to amend things; hence, she's more likely to be forgiven; and this is the secret to living happily ever after!

CS

English